The background to this post is the same singer and child defiler that was recently pardoned (see previous post) and released from prison. It took him only four days till he’s true colours came out and it was reported that he had beaten up his wife for refusing him sex.
The issue here is that many think it is the wife’s fault, not just in this case but in general as it is a deep rooted belief that a wife has no right to deny her husband sex, even if she’s feeling ill or is on her periods.
Before I got married I went through the same “training” most women go through and I was told by church elder wife’s that if my husband wanted to sleep with me it was my duty to please him and if I refused I was to blame if he cheated on me.
As the story regarding the singer battering his wife broke some spoke up for him, like this highly respected pastor, Rev. Moses Lungu, who said that women should be submissive to their husbands as the bible instructs and should not provoke their husbands with what he called ‘funny excuses’ such as being on their monthly periods whenever their husbands wanted sex!
There is thankfully people who stand up for the women, among them very few are men but there’s the exception, George Pitchman Nshindano Mtonga II, a financial analyst at Goldman and Sachs and co-founder of “Send Betty to school” (a campaign aimed at raising awareness on girls education in Zambia). It is so refreshing with a man, a Zambian man, who can be bold enough to stand up for women’s issues. The following was published by him on his facebook timeline concerning the (Zambian) man’s idea that his wife has no right to deny him sex:
“Zambian men… listen very carefully. You are not entitled to sex even if a woman is your wife. A woman’s sexuality is her own not yours. This attitude that pressures women to sleep with their husbands even when they have discretion is why women get infected by their husbands. (…)
You should be more concerned at the fact that a woman you call your wife doesn’t want to have sex. Instead of hiding behind some idiotic judeo –christian moralism, a woman is not bound by some external law other than her own desire of who she decides to sleep with. Why are men so entitled to a woman’s sexuality?
(…) I’m telling you… as a man, all these idiotic restrictions you place on women are just taking away from you. I can assure you, there is nothing better in life than a woman who owns her sexuality.
Seriously guys… evolve. You don’t own a woman’s sexuality, it’s hers and only hers, she decides what to do with it. Instead of forcing yourself on your wife, which actually is rape, learn some romance… some of you should start watching telemundo*… Maybe you could learn something.”
*telemundo is a popular cannel showing romantic drama series.